Stop gambling with CRO.
Increase your RPS or your money back.

Ecommerce roasts that double your revenue per session

30+ minutes long private video audit

Step-by-step guide to turn visitors into customers

1 spot left this week

Tired of “wins” that barely move the needle?

😪 Traditional CRO	🔥 The Roast ™️
Takes ages to “prove results”	Instantly actionable
Small stuff, like button color	Full funnel analysis to find bottleneck
Long backlog and prioritisation sessions	No bullshit, a step-by-step guide
Increases conversion but drops AOV	Increase RPS (AOV x Conversion rate)
Blindly copying others with 0 context	Leans into your USPs

Turn your visitors into customers in 3 steps

1. Order your roast 🔥

Totally async, no boring meetings
Guided checkout to share details
You can share things like:
- your website
- how you drive traffic
- analytics and struggle points

2. Get your roast in 48 hrs

Private, 30+ minutes long video
Prioritised opportunities to maximise RPS
Step-by-step implementation guide
Long ass spreadsheet Notion deck
Invite to private Slack channel

3. Get a new warehouse

You gotta fulfil all those new orders right?

Jokes aside, implement the guide.

If your RPS doesn’t increase in 90 days, you get your money back.

You don’t even need to reach out. I’ll message you in 90 days to see the results and refund you if they’re shit. Short video of a woman ringing bell and yelling shame

Secure payment via Stripe

Communication on Slack

Delivered in Loom

+ Notion

Ready to double your Revenue Per Session?

The Roast™️

$799

A personalised guide to boost your store’s RPS.

What you'll get within 48 hours:

30+ minutes long video analysis
Complete funnel audit
Step–by–step guide in Notion
Copy, design, analytics and more
No risk, money back guarantee
Private Slack channel
90 day follow-up
Access to Funnel Library

Roast my shop

⚡️

Actionable insights in 48 hours

Fixed deliverables. Superfast value.
💸

Higher revenue, lower CPA

Fixed deliverables. Superfast value.
🚀

Full funnel analysis

Ads, homepage, navigation, PLP, PDP, cart, checkout – everything.
🔒

Guaranteed RPS boost within 90 days

You don’t even need to reach out. I’ll message you to see the results and refund you if they’re shit.

Frequently asked questions

Who are you and why should I trust you?

Hey, that's good question! 👋
I'm Simon, a lead ecommerce designer. Nice to meet you!

I've been in the ecommerce space for a decade, and most recently I worked at John Lewis & Partners where my designs led to multi-millions of additional incremental revenue (proven by A/B testing).

What does “full funnel” mean exactly? e.g. what pages?

Everything from your ad to your checkout. Your whole website. That includes landing pages, your homepage, search pages, Product Listing Pages (collection or archive pages), Product Description Pages, Cart (basket), Checkout and others.

Will my revenue actually increase?

Yes. Or I'll give your money back (never happened yet).

I’m still working on my site. Can you still roast it?

For sure! It'll probably be even better so you can iterate before building it.

Is my roast private?

Yes, it's a completely private video and deck. Noone else can see or access it.

What languages can you roast in?

Your roast will be in English or Spanish. But with AI it's incredibly easy to translate pages, so it doesn't matter what language is your page or design in.
Please keep in mind that Asian cultures are very different though, with completely different user expectations – and I'm not an expert in those.